So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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