Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
