do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
