girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
