your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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