Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
