Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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