Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
