We won't sleep together?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize