Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
