I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They are going to name an STD after you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
