I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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