I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were trust falling into bushes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
