it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
