is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
