and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
