Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
