Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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