My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
