How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
