I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
