do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
