My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
