I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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