I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
