remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize