Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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