Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
