I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
