uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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