hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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