I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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