Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
