You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just google imaged poop.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
