Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
