This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
