Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
