so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
