Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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