You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
