theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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