last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize