first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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