Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
