she smelled like a LAN party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
