So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize