she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
