there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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