I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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