shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize