I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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