so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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