i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
