He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
