So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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