He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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