And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
