Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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