took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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