If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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