No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My pussy is not your playground.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize