Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You ruined the universe
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
