Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
