All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
