i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
