I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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