Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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