I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
