i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
