Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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