Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
