just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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