If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize