we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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