I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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