I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
