she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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