I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
