Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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