Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
