she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mom said you looked used
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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