Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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