Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
