I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
