Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
