forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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