remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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