fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
