Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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