my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found a bag of teeth...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
