he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Randomize
