i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Houston, we have a blender
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize