this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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