So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
