dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize