I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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