I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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