Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
