Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
