He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
