Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
