She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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