I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize