I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
