made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
