break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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