OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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