The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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