Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
