I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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