grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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