So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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