theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
