That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
