Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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