she woke up with a sticky ear
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
