so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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