is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
