your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize